Moving Along from 2022
I have moved, or more to the point I have been moved. Not just through an accepted offer of a new unit from the Queensland Housing Commission that has created quantum ripples throughout my system, I am transitioning on many levels. Twenty twenty-two was a tough and transformative year, and its Christmas was a turkey of an event, although that is a taken for me as my mind is always on other things and that somehow other people seem to be enjoying the festivities more. In any case I do not do religious festivals. A fog has descended over my activities because everything has changed so much, I need January to refocus. Certainly, I become very agitated with people who insist stuff happens for a reason and that life has a teaching purpose.
There are too many obvious failures in that dull and manipulative thinking, especially around horrible disasters, and murder, not to mention Putin’s invasion. There have been too many awful examples of human brutality. There is a lack of commonsense around believing conspiracy theories. There are dangerous conditions in the challenges of a morphing environment. Some people express the most idiotic opinions and thoughts through malice, indifference, or stupidity. Things happen equally by planning as they do by chance. There can be no guarantees your actions will bring success, but if your heart is not behind them, they will fail or at least never make you content. Forget happiness, instead aim for backbone, stand against the foolish, especially those that gaslight. As an autistic person I am different, I think differently. Often others are filling the ambiguities I offer with products of their imagination. People put words into my mouth, they imagine they understand my motivations, and take my need for distance as guilt of something. So, I went to find something useful to do until my time is used up and now it is more important than ever to organise my time well as I age into the last decade of my life.
Traveling light is my new mantra, whether I am making journeys in kilometres or reducing the number of commitments I have, so that I can focus on my ambitions and desires because I do not trust this increasingly insane world. I am painting on a small scale now. My surface seldom goes over a large pad size and my oils are on small muslin covered boards which fit into my pocharde boxes which are used for en plein air. As well, like many I feel we are all custodians of Nature and must make responsible choices to leave as small a Carbon footprint as possible which includes recycling some materials. Pottery is an activity of the past as I have stated in a former post. I have retired from that difficult skill, others will have to accept that. Australia has not the support bodies that are found in other places like the craft guilds of the United Kingdom, Japan, and the United States.
Neurotypical people outnumber autistic people by approximately thirty to one based on current best estimates. I am at a disadvantage. The average neurotypical person has thirty times as many opportunities to learn from minds that are like their own than they do from those that are not. Autistic people are dismissed by those around us as freaks. It is easier to attack that which are not understood than to make the effort to learn about differences in humans. For me and other autistic people the opposite is true. Being so outnumbered we are forced to either learn the inner workings of minds that function differently than ours or fail. It is called masking. We are made to learn about neurotypical thinking to survive, whereas most neurotypical people have little incentive to learn about ours. Uncomfortable consequences occur when we do not share the same understanding of how people behave and what various signals we use to communicate are intended to mean. This does not mean I am emotionally stunted, I am extremely sensitive to the lack of awareness of others. I have endured this my whole life without understanding it was not my fault.
Now, I have had to find what I really want or what is no longer fit for purpose. For the sake of my peace of mind I must put the past behind me and look to the future. Acting courageously is the course, as always. I am good at that, I have had practice, and I hate people who caterwaul about blame. I give no credence to thoughtless people. Some things will never heal because they have been at the roots of my life and poisoned my growth and fed by the craziness of others. My time for a break has come. Receiving an offer to leave the Queensland Housing Commission waiting list was a good start. I am so pleased to escape the ridiculous burgeoning rental rises of a diminished housing market. Walking through the new unit was like opening a multilayered gift as a new room showed itself in pristine white and airy space.
And there were near empty back and front gardens to sow new seeds. At first, I was concerned about the location until I discovered the river walking tracks and others giving me views to paint. I am enjoying and growing into this new environment.
It is a duplex, but we are not bothered by the neighbours as there is a firewall between us. Charlie the cat has places to explore safely and other cats in the immediate neighbourhood now know the new boundaries. The job of downsizing takes time, a lot of things went off to Lifeline. Some things were sold cheaply, and I continue to sell other stuff through this website. I need to part with my small art collection. Part of downsizing has been the digital storage of my artist notebooks as carrying around thirty-plus heavy yearly portfolios has become too much. As has all my art books including the Impressionists, the Modernists, and on; they must find a new home. The internet took six weeks to attach with much negotiation and visits from communication specialists. Split system air conditioning has been bought and fitted, the biggest expense so far. Generally, my health has improved although I am feeling fragile as I have lost a lot of weight to put my diabetes into remission. My mental health improves by the absence of poisonous others and my lack of interest in joining in with others, I have plenty to do on my own. It is a myth one needs lots of people to be content. I have put my new work online to sell. My online presence is limited. My bucket list is not overwhelming.
Last year I completed uploading a year-long YouTube Challenge that began on the ninth of July, twenty twenty-one and completed with a compilation on the ninth of July, twenty twenty-two. When my technology is sorted, I may do something similar but using a smaller scale. I would like to mount an exhibition of paintings in Brisbane this year or next. My health is a priority as my body changes with ageing so, I cannot hope it will get better without care. If Covid settles down and frankly the news out of China is hardly reassuring it is time for a trip somewhere. And so forth, stuff to do. Fixing up the new place will take time, it needs a shade-house against the Western Sun and a covered outdoor work area because the garage is very hot. The garden is starting, and I am looking for a water feature for the small back area. I am collecting perfumed shrubs and flowers for this area: gardenia, mock orange, gingers, magnolia, roses, and a henna bush which I have started from seed. While the front will expand to have annuals and perennials surrounding a giant native hibiscus and purple tibouchina with a trellis of morning glory and hopefully my transplanted jasmine will thrive. Growing plants helps me to establish myself in a place and I know these gardens only last if I care for them. All of us pass through and we leave less than we think. I now realize it is less important to worry about legacy and that includes whether one has children or builds things than to have some heart in an activity for a while. Nothing is permanent, I noted this as I shredded all my old photographs of people, places, cats, gardens, childhood, and sundry; they were easy to let go. What or whom was I keeping them for? The answer sets the course for the rest of my life. It is what I do from day to day, people come and go, places grow and diminish as I have and will. Like my present paintings there is a glance, a trick of the light, a whimsey that is gone in the blink of a cosmic eye. Everything happens so quickly and slowly at the same time. I am not rushing anywhere unless it is to avoid a crowd. My present is more peaceful than it has been for decades. Happy New Year and if you see something to purchase on my pages, not my ceramics I have none, I will negotiate.