This disease that disproves of my wellbeing is the worst possible thing that could have happened to my sense of independence. Cancer has left me feeling debilitated, ugly, useless, and hopeless. The present immunology has undermined my confidence to deal with people, especially medical staff, as I flounder to make sense of the discomfort, dizziness, and burgeoning psoriasis released as the anticancer drug binds to the proteins in my T Cells...

Beginning of August 2023, after problems with an ear infection, glands on the left side of my neck and face stayed swollen. This was regardless of  oral antibiotics and  cortisone-type eardrops prescribed earlier over several weeks. Getting access to my GP was problematic so, I decided to change clinics.  My new MD recognized it was my Parotid and Lymph Glands that were enlarged and sent me for an ultrasound Xray. The report...

I have found through experience and longevity that  life is a game that does not run on gratitude. A  game is anything with rules and a goal, so this includes everything from business to romantic encounters. Generally everything we do in life. Gratitude is not character building as presumed and is at its worst a manipulative platitude. It is too much like a fad,  an object or phenomenon that has short-lived but intense popularity. A definition...

Although I was never ever very sociable, I was livelier when I was younger. Then depression and post-traumatic stress disorder became complicated and hurt my later life. I am hypervigilant and self-isolating. I spend much time alone however I am not lonely, and I understand why others can be affected by loneliness because I understand the nuances of it.  When good friends grow apart can cause serious disturbance and loneliness in a person...

I have moved, or more to the point I have been moved. Not just through an accepted offer of a new unit from the Queensland Housing Commission that has created quantum ripples throughout my system, I am transitioning on many levels. Twenty twenty-two was a tough and transformative year, and its Christmas was a turkey of an event, although that is a taken for me as my mind is always on other things and that somehow other people seem to be...

Sometimes it is time to draw a line under something because a trend is over and from now on there will be a new rhythm and quality to life. It may be apparent that there is no more one can do to change an outcome. Life for many of us has morphed into a misty landscape where our steps are uncertain, our vision is unclear, and we are overwhelmed by world events. Finding something we can manage in our lives has become essential for our wellbeing....

We do live in interesting times. Unfortunately, these times are creating havoc with the human condition. They may be fatal. It is not just the pandemic, climate change, and political upheaval, and the barbaric attack on the Ukraine, there are giant elephants in the room. There is a destruction of personal sense of value. I live with a high degree of anxiety due to my autism. In writing about my anxiety also must include a discussion about...

One of the principle ways that people mismanage their anger is by playing the role of victim. Now let us be clear early, I have every right to be angry. This world bothers me, it always has. I have been victimized by individuals who because they felt miserable with themselves had trapped themselves and then lashed out at me. My mad mother and her insane proxies did that, and they were some of many who took advantage of my inability to read...

There are days when I really do not want to be on this planet. The reasons are myriad and certainly now includes the Coronavirus pandemic. However, that is when one fights the hardest, or the opposite, and one just stops trying. The latter, I have found is better during very difficult times. This is not to give up and shrivel and die like a wounded Rose bush of mine has just done because it had no desires or abilities to fight its surroundings,...

I, one, me, moi, myself, him over-here is a complicated creature of obsessive habits and other traits that identify as having Autism Spectrum Disorder. In a perfect multicultural world it would not matter. But this tired sad old planet is a bit battered around the edges, so it is full of difficult judgemental humans who all insist only they as I, one, me, moi, myself, him-her-person over-there is only right! There is no right way. The traits...

Some people believe the human brain has evolved for survival, some people give credence to a Divine plan, and some people like me, believe we have to make our own meaning. All theories begin with chaos which must be sorted, fought against, eliminated, or accepted and built into a mathematical equation. My Aspie brain has decided we exist and that a sense of justice, egalitarianism, and order means I look at chaos like a Mandelbrot pattern of...

The opinions I express in my posts are always my own, if you do not agree, move on – nothing to see or harm here. For those who are superstitious, the Chinese Year of the Rat is indeed the forceful purveyor of worldwide change. I do not believe in serendipity, but it creates a segue into this horror we have to endure. China has some extra hard changes to make over lifestyle choices especially around wet markets and the consumption of exotic...

One is not the centre of the universe, even though as young children some may believe so. Eventually, life has a hard message for most of us: no one really cares about us. Regardless of the efforts of some families and a few friends who will take particular interest in different parts of your life as it suits circumstances. They do not care about you nearly as much as you need to care about yourself. This random generic reality, one possible...

What?! I am actually going to blog about my latest mental breakdown, make it public to those who read this blog. Well yes, and for a very good reason, people need to talk about and understand mental health issues. A person who recently turned sixty-five cannot expect to survive a life like mine and not have had such a problem. After all, I was born into it. My mother was schizophrenic with paranoid delusions, and my father most likely passed on...

The Night of Fright  I have endured a couple of floods in my time around Queensland. The 1974 Brisbane flood destroyed everything I owned. The recent Townsville flood came very close and I wanted to write about the personal impact of such a natural disaster. So, the comments here are from my point of view only. Of course, as a longtime resident of Queensland I have gotten some extreme experience of droughts, floods, bushfires, and...

I was told by someone who I thought a fool that liking black and white was a kind of aesthetic? Some people don’t think too hard, never mind, people don’t think most of the time. Starting any artwork requires some drawing: on paper, on canvas, on a computer tablet, on a cave wall, on a toilet wall, whatever. I like using those Chinese brush sets with a black ink (Chromacryl Waterproof Drawing Ink)  and a couple of nibs I have...

Painting flower pictures is something painters do. It’s natural like walking a dog, cooking a meal, and keeping yourself clean. No great effort is required and is the perfect motif for the occasional lack of motivation or mind blanks that occurs with stress. Living is stressful, studying is demanding, finding meaningful work is challenging, good health is unreliable, friends are fickle, and neighbours and family are doomed to disappoint. So, a...

Where did 2017 go? Well, I did a post-graduate course in teaching, secondary education, grades 7 to 12. The course started after Australia Day in January and my results come out 5 December. Some days were tough, some days I wanted to go some place else, and some days I had wonderful surprises; but, I have got through so it seems. Academically, I do quite well. The practicums, where you observe and teach at various schools, was either...

Teddy Bears, Little Folk, & Aliens: I like teddy bears—I remember drowning one at two or three years (1956-7), accidentally in a paddling pool—he was called Conks. Poor thing, went all brown afterwards, the sort of bear now worth money as a collectible on the Antiques Roadshow. Cuddly toy bears have layers of meaning. Hence my own childhood drowning memory and more recent experiences; Freud would suggest repressed memories, but I prefer the...

WORKING IN SERIES Sometimes the creative juices are flowing, sometimes the need to explore different techniques is burning, and sometimes something is stuck and needs to be painted or worked out—working in series helps all these issues. My past ceramic practice required me to reproduce a design several times and to avoid the worst aspects of reproduction, that is, the copying of a design exactly. There is undoubtedly skill in throwing a small...